It review

It was alright. It was an effective horror movie, just scary enough but never becoming terrifying. It made the clown scare me through Bill Skarsgård's acting and the make up applied to him. It kind of has caricatures for characters, they all fit firmly into '80s stereotypes. It has an over reliance on jump scares, despite creating tension in several scenes. It looks great: the cinematography won't win any mainstream awards, but they did well at establishing an appealing visual style.

In short: It could have been better, but it could also have been worse.

The Limehouse Golem review

The Limehouse Golem is a Victorian murder mystery, where a detective (Bill Nighy) tackles the infamous case of a serial killer, while also trying to prove the innocence of a woman who is accused of killing her husband.

I quite enjoyed The Limehouse Golem. It's certainly not perfect, but some of the ideas in execution and story telling were very interesting. As there are several suspects, they show the very grisly, graphic murders with each of the suspects as Bill Nighy, or the suspect, reads out the letter left behind. That part was the most inventive, and my favourite, part of the film. The rest of the film is still interesting, with a lot of the film comparing the theatrics of murder and horror with the theatrics of storytelling.

Now, my main problem with the film is this: it is extremely predictable. I knew who the killer was all the way throughout the film. In fact, I guessed it from seeing the trailer once; not because the trailer spoiled it, no, I just had a thought and stuck with that theory for no reason other than "That would be cool". But then while watching the film I was looking for clues to support my theory, and sure enough I spotted them all. And when the reveal happens, I had no reaction, not even a "Knew it" because I saw it coming a month before. And after the reveal, it shows you all the clues, which takes away some repeat viewing for everyone that didn't get it aswell as those who had already spotted the clues.

In short: It's effective, but its predictability drags it down a bit.

Inhumans review

Inhumans is possibly one of the worst pieces of media I've ever seen.

Before I start, just know I have no nostalgia or any other connection to the Inhumans comics. I knew who Black Bolt and Medusa were, but that's it.

I knew I was in trouble when the title music sounded like stock Disney World queue music.

I honestly don't think I've seen a more incompetent. . . whatever this is. . . before. Throughout the whole thing I got the feeling this was being made by people who don't care, while one executive was making everything happen because they don't have the rights to the X-Men. There is not one actor who looks invested. All the performances are bland, and none of the characters are particularly memorable or likeable. Anson Mount, in particular, looks extremely bored and sort of gets away with it, as he plays a mute.

Then there's every other character. With my little prior knowledge of the unhumans, I was very confused by what they were. They are strange moon people who have powers which they can(or can't) unlock until a certain time(don't know when that is) and are afraid that humans will discover their existence, and that threatens them somehow, despite living in the same universe as The Avengers, or at least, Agents of Shield. That's a point, isn't one of the agents in Agents of Shield an inhaman? I fell of the show halfway through season 1, so I'm not entirely sure, but I remember reading that they were doing an inhumane storyline on that show at some point. Which, once again begs the question of why they are scared humans will discover them! I mean, some of the nothumans are basically human.

Alright, so there is this ceremony that requires royalty where people go into cubicles and get sprayed with something and come out with powers, or not. Why the imhunams aren't just born with their powers is never explained. Neither is when they do this ceremony, though I just presumed it was at around 18. So anyway, not everyone born on really fake CGI moon base has powers once they go through the conversion process, or whatever it's called. These guys are humans right, so why not send them down to Earth with every other human and all you extrahumans can stay in your weird utopian moon city? Or go down to Earth and mingle with humans who already know about aliens and superheroes?

I'm also still confused about what some of the powers are. Black Bolt and Medusa are obvious. The Asian guy's power is revealed too. But the black guy, blonde girl, and the antagonist girl's powers are very unclear and forgettable. Is black guy's power being half goat? And if so, then he is just a mythical Greek creature. Is blonde girl's power having Lockjaw?

About Lockjaw: he is a teleportation device. Oh, and he's a giant dog. I like dogs, everyone does. Lockjaw wasn't enough for me to at least enjoy what was happening when he was on screen. As a teleporter he is completely unreliable, even though they rely on him for everything. Now, the big question I have about Lockjaw is where did he come from (cotton eyed Joe)? Is he blonde girl's power, is he completely unrelated to her and just a gift from someone. Also, why does blonde girl have a black stripe in her hair? I'm guessing that it's related to her power, but given that it's never explained, I have no idea why it's there apart from aesthetic.

Speaking of which, this show looks awful. The set design is terrible, and the costumes. . . well the costumes are something else. To be fair, they look like the comic characters, but they look awful on screen, especially an IMAX screen. They looked like really good cosplay, and, sure, if I saw these costumes at a convention, I'd think they're really good. But on screen, they're the argument against the X-Men wearing blue and yellow spandex.

I have no link here. The editors must think the audience are idiots. Everytime it goes back to a location we've seen before, it tells you where you are, even though we have the ability to remember what happened 5 minutes ago. And it's a shame they tried to make the locations clear, instead of making everything else clear.

Some other stuff about isnnhaum. The scene where they shave Medusa's hair is unintentionally hilarious. Whenever they said Lockjaw, it sounded like they were saying Okja, which made me wish I were watching Okja instead. Then I just got angry that this mess was shown in (IMAX) cinemas, but I had no option but to watch Okja at home, on TV. And has  using Paint it Black become a thing now? First, Westworld did a great thematic cover in the opening episode, then it was used in the trailer for The Mummy, and now there was an "edgy" cover in this.

One final thing: why was this shot with IMAX cameras. There's absolutely nothing about the show that lends itself to the IMAX format. There are no big actions scenes, and the large format just reinforces how badly lit and fake everything looks. I would have much preferred it if the first two episodes of Star Trek Discovery were shot this way instead, as it actually looks good and has enough action to justify the format.

Is this two episodes of a tv show, a movie, or something else? No matter what it is, it is incredibly dreadful.

In short: No.

American Made review

Of all the films made in the vein of Wolf of Wall Street since 2014, this is probably the best.

There's not too much more that I can think of to say right now (because I'm lazy) other than that this is easily Tom Cruise's best dramatic performance in years.

Rough Night review

Rough Night is a comedy about a group of old friends who accidentally kill a stripper on a bachelorette weekend.

I would have less of a problem with this film if it weren't for two things; it's not very funny, and it doesn't have the confidence to properly go through with the premise. Apparently the protagonists needed to be morally right by the end, and it just made the film feel safe and the opposite of edgy, even though it should be.

As I said, it's not very funny. There's a good joke at the beginning that made me laugh. Then there were a few over the next hour and a half which made me crack a smile, but no more.

In short: Skip it.

Logan Lucky review

Fun in a good way.

Good southern accent from Craig.

Seth's English is dire.

Wind River review

Wind River is written and directed by Taylor Sheridan, and is about a young FBI agent brought to a native reserve to investigate the death of a teenager.

I have become a fan of Sheridan's writing thanks to this, Sicario, and Hell or High Water. They are all great films with very smart writing. Of his films, Wind River is probably the hardest to watch, which is no small feat given the content in Sicario.

The uncomfortable nature of the film comes from the unpleasant setting. These reserves are given to Native Americans, despite many of them being places nobody should be made to live. The setting is greatly used to make the situation more intense, as the freezing temperature and snowy landscape make the investigation more difficult. There are also two very tough to watch scenes which are essential to the film, even if they weren't pleasant.

Also essential are the characters played by Elizabeth Olsen and Jeremy Renner. Olson is the inexperienced, unprepared FBI agent who is brought in because she was the closest to the location of the murder. Despite her short tenure at her job, she remains competent and does her best to resolve the mystery of the girl's death. The real focus is on Jeremy Renner's hunter, who is helping with the case due to his knowledge of the area. He has one of the best character arcs I've seen in a film this year. It is also one of Renner's best performances in a film. I must also mention Gil Birmingham, who is absolutely terrific as a grieving father. In fact, all the casting for the film is very good.

There is a criticism about the film that I'm going to address: in a film set in a Native American reservation, revolving around the death of a native girl, the main character is played by Jeremy Renner, a white guy. I can understand this, but at the same time, the film is written by the white Taylor Sheridan, an outsider to this community, who is connected socially, which is the same for Renner's character. For this reason, I don't have a problem with this problem, as Sheridan is doing what many writers do; he wrote what he knew.

In short: Wind River is one of the most effecting films of this year.

The Hitman's Bodyguard review

The Hitman's Bodyguard is a completely forgettable action comedy where Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson play exaggerated versions of themselves.

I don't really remember much of the plot. Or the jokes. Or the action. I do remember that the plot was very conventional and that there was a super obvious twist. The only jokes I can remember is the nuns on the bus loving Jackson and hating Reynolds, and the running joke about Jackson's wife (played by Salma Hayek). There are no action scenes which are more than trailer moments, and they make the weird choice to have popular songs playing over the fights, even though a musical identity is in no way established.

Really, I found The Hitman's Bodyguard to be fun, but in a bad way. It's the sort of thing where you enjoy yourself at the time, but it's not something you think back on positively.

In short: The film coasts by on the charm of the leads, but is dragged down by everything else.

The Dark Tower review

How do I start to review a film like The Dark Tower? I would give a small description of the plot, but it's been a month since I saw it. Plus, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it one day after I saw it.

You've heard of Stephen King's book series. Well, this ain't it. I've read the first two books, and I recognised very little at all. Of course, there's like five books I've not read, so I'm obviously not an expert. But I can say that the tone, feel and maturity of the film seemed completely different from what I've read. I have a theory (I can't think about confirming it for a while) that one of the writers, or a producer, read the first book, saw how long the rest of the books are, skimmed the Wikipedia page instead, went out, got drunk, had a generally swell time, noticed that it was morning, went home and wrote the film using whatever words and phrases they remembered from the night before.

Really, the film is a mess. Everything happens just because. Barely anything is explained. The majority of the film is set in New York. The obvious Stephen King fan service is laughable (the only part of the film that annoyed me was the advert for It halfway through). There is no cohesive story told. And (SPOILER - but who cares) they kill of the villain in the first movie, but still have set up for sequels.

In short: It's terrible, but nothing to get angry over.

Now, I'm not the biggest fan of horror. I can appreciate a great horror movie (Alien, Get Out), but hate watching horror which is bland and lazy (The Purge, The Visit), or jump scare extravaganzas or torture porn (both of which I refuse to watch). I also hate clowns. They are terrifying and the sight of one always scares me.

That said, I'm going to see the new adaptation of It over the weekend. I just hope it's a better Stephen King adaptation than this.

Atomic Blonde review

Atomic Blonde is a cold war set action film, starring Charlie Theron as a spy sent to Berlin to investigate a fellow agent's death.

I like Charlize Theron: she's a good actress and convincing in action movies. I also like director David Lietch, because John Wick is awesome. I also like Atomic Blonde. It's very enjoyable and knows exactly what it is. That is until the last five minutes where there are about three twists.

The rest of the story is a very conventional spy thriller plot. There's a double agent who's trying to leak a file of agent codenames. Every spy franchise has done this plot. But what sets this film apart is the stunts and action. Many fight scenes are shot and edited to look like one take, and it looks like Theron did a lot of her own stunts. As with Wick, Lietch shoots the scenes steadily and does not add in many cuts to try and hide stunt doubles.

Although, how do you make a film set in 1980s Berlin, with a lot of music, but not have any Hasselhoff songs? After GotGv2 and Baywatch, I thought 2017 was going to be the year of the Hoffessance. Or, maybe I'm just perpetuating a stereotype?

In short: Great action, mediocre plot.

Girls Trip review

Girls Trip is a comedy about four old friends who take a trip to New Orleans for the weekend.

I usually don't put much detail into the quick synopsis at the beginning of my reviews, but that is really it. There's a little bit of character drama, but apart from that it is just friends having fun, getting drunk, tripping and reminiscing.

It is really fun to watch the four women interact with each other. They have their in-jokes and stories from the past that they share. There is also the different relationships between the members of the group that add to the fun and characters. All these elements are what makes it believable that they are all friends, and not actors put together for a film.

Most importantly, this is the fifth consistently funny film I have seen this year. That's right, eight months into the year and I've only seen five comedies that I would recommend to someone wanting to laugh.

However, it is about 15-20 minutes too long.

In short: Girls Trip is a very funny, friends go wild movie.

A Ghost Story review

A Ghost Story explores love, grief, time and existentialism after a man suddenly dies and comes back as a ghost.

I honestly don't think that I can completely review this film right now. I saw this opening day, then didn't get an opportunity to see it again as I had to travel to see it. There was stuff I definitely got from it, but I almost certainly missed alot. Therefore, I can't properly judge it.

What I got I really liked. This is why I can't wait until it comes out on DVD, so that I can watch again and again and just dissect the hell out of it.

In short: Artsy, ambitious, amazing.