How do I start to review a film like The Dark Tower? I would give a small description of the plot, but it's been a month since I saw it. Plus, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it one day after I saw it.
You've heard of Stephen King's book series. Well, this ain't it. I've read the first two books, and I recognised very little at all. Of course, there's like five books I've not read, so I'm obviously not an expert. But I can say that the tone, feel and maturity of the film seemed completely different from what I've read. I have a theory (I can't think about confirming it for a while) that one of the writers, or a producer, read the first book, saw how long the rest of the books are, skimmed the Wikipedia page instead, went out, got drunk, had a generally swell time, noticed that it was morning, went home and wrote the film using whatever words and phrases they remembered from the night before.
Really, the film is a mess. Everything happens just because. Barely anything is explained. The majority of the film is set in New York. The obvious Stephen King fan service is laughable (the only part of the film that annoyed me was the advert for It halfway through). There is no cohesive story told. And (SPOILER - but who cares) they kill of the villain in the first movie, but still have set up for sequels.
In short: It's terrible, but nothing to get angry over.
Now, I'm not the biggest fan of horror. I can appreciate a great horror movie (Alien, Get Out), but hate watching horror which is bland and lazy (The Purge, The Visit), or jump scare extravaganzas or torture porn (both of which I refuse to watch). I also hate clowns. They are terrifying and the sight of one always scares me.
That said, I'm going to see the new adaptation of It over the weekend. I just hope it's a better Stephen King adaptation than this.
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